Since the re-opening of the Westgate Shopping Centre; I have been trying to find any slightest opportunity to go back there. I constantly tell myself…… “Let me go window shop”, but alas! I finally end up buying something because everything seems so incredibly beautiful there. “I must be careful, my wallet will soon complain!” I joyfully told a friend of mine.
I loved the strength I found in re- telling my story during the re-opening of Westgate; giving out an interview and opening up a book of experiences that a few people knew.
Each time I get to Westgate mall, I experience it anew. I feel full of energy, though with mixed emotional feelings. The horrific scenes of 21 of September 2013 come flooding back. Then I quickly ‘fast-forward’ and get back to the present tranquility; shifting to enthusiasm and hope. Yes, because the re-opening of Westgate symbolizes for me strength and resilience and willingness to move on.I have said a big “NO” to fear. Fear has a way of holding people back, so that you are unable to function to your fullest capacity. Life must continue, and am not looking back. I will forge forward; with dignity and pride; that I have overcome, and that I am a survivor, not a victim!
I recall the days that I could not even look at the place. The sight of it was unbearable. Then I could face it, pass by, silently observe from distance its reconstruction…..it was almost like my healing process; putting together those pieces of my life that I thought were lost. Yes, Westgate and I went through reconstruction, except for the difference. Westgate’s reconstruction was physical and structural whereas mine was psychological/emotional!
Every time I visit there, I enjoy talking to the other survivors because we share a path. I learn new coping mechanism and I am humbled by their strength and willingness to move on with their work. Faith, I believe; is what kept most of us determined to smile to life.
I will continue sharing my experience, because as much as it was a terrible traumatic experience, I have come to learn that in every situation, good or bad, there are positive outcomes as well. I am learning a’ Mariam’ I did not know. A Marriam who is so enthusiastic, determined to live to the fullest and accept the things that I cannot change. My faith has grown stronger today, I am more at peace because I leave everything to God, and I say Alhamdulillah for everything.
I hope that with this, you can realize why I call Westgate “my place of strength”. Indeed, in the worst situation I found my strength, I faced death and said let it be, Inna Lilaal Wainna Ileyhi Raaji’un”, it will be God taking my life and by realizing that my fear disappeared. In the most vulnerable situation, I found wisdom and power. In the saddest circumstance, I was generous and responded to request of help of a couple of injured persons. In my nervous state of mind, I found the patience to wait and have faith that someone out there would come and rescue us, and so it happened. In the most agitated status of mind, I could take the toughest decision of my life.
In Westgate I found my strength, a strength developed in moment of total vulnerability. As my coach and mentor calls it, the strength of vulnerability!
